All My Fault
by SpirkTrekker42
Summary: What was really going on in Albus Dumbledore's mind when Harry fed him the potion in the cave? Slughorn wasn't the only one responsible for Voldemort's knowledge of horcruxes. SLASH. Dumbledore/Grindelwald


Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

A/N: I had to take a break from my Star Trek fics to write out this plot bunny that kept bugging me when I watched this scene in HBP. But to my Star Trek readers, never fear. If you don't know the HP universe – or even if you do – if you really want to be entertained, I suggest you read this, substituting Spock for Dumbledore and Kirk for Grindelwald. It would make perfect sense in a Star Trek alternate mirror universe, where Kirk would want to use his talents for evil. Spock-as-Albus would go along with Kirk-as-Grindelwald's plan for muggle domination awhile due to his love and loyalty for Kirk and the cold logic behind the plan. But ultimately Spock would have to reject it. A bit of mirror!universe K/S slips in to the oneshot – this is how my mind works. *shakes head *

Warning: This oneshot contains mentions of SLASH, as in a male/male relationship. Don't like it, don't read it.

_All My Fault_

The cavern's darkness descended upon him as his strength was ripped away. Albus Dumbledore's magic could not save him from the horrors being forced upon him. He continued to protest, but it was futile. He was too weak to stop it, much too weak…

"I'm sorry sir, you have to drink this!" Harry urged the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"No! Stop!" Dumbledore pleaded.

"Professor!" Harry gazed at him in horror. "It's the last one, I promise!"

No! No more… Dumbledore couldn't bear to drink another drop of the pungent potion. Each swallow weakened him considerably more until his regrets began to overwhelm him. He wheezed and coughed as he struggled to down the foul liquid.

"It's my fault… all my fault..." Albus moaned. Harry didn't understand, he couldn't understand that Albus was the indirect cause behind Voldemort's ascent to power. The horcruxes… Tom never would've known about them if it hadn't been for…

_No!_ Albus tried to block the memories but they grabbed hold of his last vestige of hope. It flickered and died, leaving him with the memory that haunted his dreams.

_Ariana…dead… she's dead, Albus! Aberforth screaming….all my fault… Gellert fleeing without a backward glance… NO!_

_Gellert. My friend, my love…_ Albus groaned aloud, remembering his lost flame. It was a little known fact that he and the handsome, blonde Gellert Grindelwald had been in a relationship the summer before Ariana was killed. Albus had been captivated by Gellert's brilliant intellect and his vision of the future, a future where wizards no longer had to hide their magical ways from the muggles. But love's keen sting had taken its toll after that fateful day that he, Gellert, and Aberforth had quarreled. His younger sister Ariana had been the unfortunate victim of a stray curse – exactly who was the cause of her death had never been determined. As Albus had grappled with his brother, Gellert escaped. Dumbledore never saw him again until five years later.

Consumed by his failed relationship with Albus, Gellert proceeded with their original plan. He established a wizard order that rose to power so quickly it almost succeeded in dominating the Muggle world. And all for the Greater Good. That part had been Albus's idea, a sound, logical idea on which the foundation of their plans had been built. How stupid and foolish he now felt for suggesting it! If only Dumbledore had seen what Gellert had truly been like, he never would've fallen for his seductive promises of a world where wizards no longer had to hide their true natures from the world. But love made him blind to Gellert's wicked flaws. The quest for power had corrupted Gellert, had changed him from the golden, ambitious youth he had once been.

By mid 1945, Albus could no longer turn a blind eye to Grindelwald's monstrous deeds. Misuse of the Unforgivable Curses, mass Muggle genocide, allying himself with Adolf Hitler in an attempt to gain even more power – it was too much for Dumbledore to ignore. He never wanted to duel his former lover, but it was necessary. It had to be done. Too many brave wizards had attempted to kill Grindelwald but had failed. Albus was the only one with the power to stop him, and he knew it. He had resisted his true nature as a Gryffindor, and it was time to make up for his cowardly actions, even if he had to take down the only man he had ever – and would ever – love.

But first he had to crack Grindelwald's defenses. He had other means besides the Hallows for protecting himself. Yes, Grindelwald had employed the dark power of a horcrux. Albus found out years later that Gellert had indeed been the one to accidentally murder Ariana. Knowing Albus would never forgive him for this mistake, he'd used the deed as a means to split his soul in two. He trapped the severed part of his soul in the ancient Peverell Pendant that Dumbledore had given him as a gift. Quite literally, the Dark Lord had given part of his soul to the Deathly Hallows. Dumbledore had sought out the pendant and destroyed it, leaving Grindelwald mortal and vulnerable.

But when they dueled, Albus found that he could not kill the one he still secretly harbored feelings for. They didn't burn as brightly as before, but they still lingered. Against all logic, he still loved Gellert. Yet he could neither allow Gellert to continue his rampage against the muggles. So Dumbledore did the next best thing – he only wounded the dark wizard, sparing his life so that he could rot in the very prison that he'd commissioned to hold the souls who dared oppose him.

Albus came to visit Gellert one time at Numengard, a week after their duel. He tried to apologize for everything that had happened between them, but Gellert's stony silence said more than any irate reaction. There could be nothing more between them, not even the last vestiges of a friendship. Heartbroken, Dumbledore left the jail, vowing to devote his life to preventing anyone from rising to power in the way that he and Grindelwald almost did, and to promoting tolerance of muggles and muggle-borns.

Dumbledore succeeded in his quest for awhile, until Tom Riddle came along. Albus truly believed that had Grindelwald not been successful in the creation of a horcrux, the information would not have been available for Tom to get his hands on so easily. It was those who thought Grindelwald had the right idea who kept his ideas alive, ideas like that of the horcrux that were so dangerous should anyone powerful enough come across them, they would leave the fate of the wizarding world to chance.

_It's all my fault!_

Albus knew he had driven Gellert to create a horcrux, which in turn led Tom to creating not one other, but SIX separate pieces of his soul, locked away in objects and protected from his enemies. Albus had never believed such evil could exist, but it did in Tom. Lord Voldemort had not felt love's keen sting as Gellert had, which may have saved him in the end. The half-blood dark wizard was truly unhinged, bent on causing disaster and destruction.

The only thing that could possibly counter it, was the one who had the power to stop Tom once and for all – Harry James Potter, the Chosen One. Dumbledore had seen the good in Harry's heart – even when he'd had the opportunity to kill death eaters like Bellatrix Lestrange who had murdered Sirius Black, Harry couldn't do it. You had to mean the killing curse for it to work, and while Harry had cast the Avada Kedavra, he hadn't truly meant it. The malicious intent was not present, not one bit. Harry had resisted the seduction of power when Albus himself had embraced it. It would take someone with a soul as selfless and golden as Harry's to truly save the wizarding world. That job was no longer Albus's. It was time to pass the torch on to the next generation.

Finally, Albus's strength returned, and he was able to save Harry from the Inferi. As long as Harry Potter lived, there was still hope that the wizarding world would not have to pay for Albus's youthful mistakes.

A/N: So what'd you think? I'm especially curious what my Star Trek readers thought – drop me a line if you would!! Thanks.


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